The Begining


I’m not sure where to start but here goes!  I’ve been cast in a scifi series and I will be playing a Chief Security Officer.  The reality is, this is going to require me to physically be able to handle fight sequences on a regular basis.  I practised karate for over a decade growing up and have a fair handle on that, however, lets be honest, I’m no where near the right shape to be doing this on a daily basis.  The reality is that there isn’t a budget to pay for a trainer and all my training at this junction is my own responsibility.  I would love to be able to pay someone to help me get into “fighting” shape but the reality is we are low budget so the responsibility is all mine.

At this point in time, I qualify as obese.  I’m not going to publicly post my weight but periodically update good close friends.  I  will be posting progress photos as my body changes.  I have a few concerns with publicly posting weight, maybe I should, maybe I shouldn’t.  Here’s the reality, I have no idea what will happen with Odyssey.  We could do one episode and that is it or we could do very well and end up with a ten year run (I can only hope because our creator Shaun has an incredible amount of material written and its all really amazing!).  The deal with that is, I could become recognized.  I feel that currently while I do call myself fat, there is far too much fat shaming in the media.  Every morsel of food that goes into a female actress’s  mouth is criticized an analysed.  If anything, I use the term “fat nutritionist” more for shock value.  The truth is, all the knowledge in the world (being a nutritionist) isn’t going to make you fit!

I’m  also greatly concerned about the amount of attention that the media places on how much an actress weighs.  Just look at Anne Hathaway and the Dark Knight Rises!  I really feel that a lady’s weight is one thing you never question.  That is between me and those I love and trust to discuss.  I am starting and posting this blog as it is terrific motivation to stay on my journey.  I’ve also noticed from friends that once they say it publicly, things happen.  I truly believe in the power of stating your goals out loud.

So for these reasons, I will not post my actual weight.  I will perhaps mention when I go from a BMI of obese to overweight.  However, BMI isn’t always representative of fitness and I realize that as I gain muscle this may be a terrible representation.  I do plan on getting a trusted friend to take photos and I will be posting them.  Ultimately, the best indicator of anything will be my performance physically.  Perhaps we can post some videos of me training so you can see the exciting new things that my body can do.  And really, this is what I think most of us should be focusing on.  I get how hard it is to avoid focusing on the numbers on a scale, I fall into that trap too.  But I think sometimes, we forget the amazing things our bodies do for us.

As I said earlier, all the knowledge in the world won’t make you fit, here’s some of my challenges

  •  Mental – this is the hard part.  I was watching a preview on a documentary today called Fat and Back (I need to find this documentary), he said that his mentality had changed, that he actually felt better with food.  I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t true.    I’ve struggled with weight my entire life.  My brain needs some serious reprogramming.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t addicted to sugar.  I realize there is biology there, but there is also some definite mental aspects to this addiction.  I’m working through the book “A Course in Weight Loss.”  This is my starting point for the mental aspects.  I remember seeing PJ on that trailer getting caught eating pizza… yup, that’s me!  I’m going to need to make a huge mental shift and only God can help me (and he will!).
  •  Health challenges – I deal with a serious amount of inflammation.  I’ve made tremendous strides with an anti-inflammatory diet.  If I told you how much I struggled with daily pain from inflammation before I’m not sure you’d believe how much this has changed and my body improved.  But, my Naturopath says I still have a lot of inflammation and that is affecting  my weight loss.  I’m definitely going to have to get much more strict with my diet, and a huge starting point will be to get the refined sugars out!  Sugar feels like a huge looming enemy right now, but it is a giant that can and will be slain!  I also had a recent issue with my liver swelling up due to stress (like seriously swollen, it got 40% too big!).  This is still causing a lot of indigestion and sometimes serious pain when I eat (like rolling around on the floor pain!).  The good news is, I checked with the doc and the Naturopath and both said that exercise is fine.
  • Allergies – also kind of under the health challenges category.  I have gluten intolerance (I’m not interested in swallowing a scope to find out if I’m celiac).  If I eat it, I get a number of symptoms including really bad joint swelling.  This is trouble for getting B vitamins.  I’m also allergic to pork and turkey.  I recently had a blood test for allergies and discovered that I’m definitely sensitive to whey (which is a pretty good protein source and often found in protein supplements).  Between the allergies and the anti-inflammation diet, there are some serious challenges in creating a diet that will help me slim down and become more able to handle Gutka level challenges.  I’m going to have to work very hard to create a solid balanced diet.  To be honest, my own body and health did fall to the way-side while in school because it was so flipping hard to get through school.  So now I need to take theory and make it reality.
  • Social challenges – lets be honest, I’m hoping that by making things public I will be more accountable, but the reality is, sometimes people act funny when you start trying to meet a goal.  When I first announced that I’m allergic to gluten I had a friend talk me into birthday cake at her nephew’s birthday as it would be insulting to him if I didn’t eat it… I didn’t think it would be a problem, but after 6 weeks of no gluten, I found myself rolling around on the floor of the bathroom praying to God for it to pass through my intestines quickly.  I have a lot of amazing friends, I also have a lot of amazing friends who want me to let my hair down and live a little.  I get it, I really do.  But my health and long life are much, much more important than a soda!  If you are with me, I’m going to need serious help in the peer pressure department because I’ll admit, I’m kind of rubbery that way!
  • Recent ankle sprain/strep infection thingy that’s taking a grand tour of my upper respiratory tract – ok, so there is this yearly 60k walk in my city that I participate in as a way to give back to the Alberta Cancer Foundation for all the amazing things they do.  I sprained my ankle part way through and walked at least 18k on a sprain.  I only completed 44k.  I figured better to rest than to kill myself trying.  But it was the last year of this particular event and I did want to finish the parts that I like!  This was a couple weeks ago and honestly my ankle is still a little tender.  The other issue that’s keeping me from working out this second (besides the fact that it’s 1am) is that I got strep a couple days ago.  I am on antibiotics and the blisters in my throat and the fever are gone, however, this damned thing decided to branch out and tour both my sinuses and lungs.  I’m coughing up a lot of crap and feel like I’m suffocating (ugh).  Today all I managed was to head down to the park for heritage day festivities where I laid down on a towel to relax and take in the show… I had my arm henna’d and then came home.  Running for the bus nearly killed me and I nearly coughed up a lung (which sucks as I love running).  So clearly I’m not ready to head back to the gym 😦 but until then I’m super excited about a workout journal I’m making for myself!

I want to make one thing very, very clear before I begin.  Odyssey’s creator has not pressured me in any way to lose weight.  But what does pressure me, is reading the script and realizing what I need to do physically (and the military training!).  Shaun has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to sex up the show.  I’m grateful and feel protected to know that I wasn’t hired for my boobs or butt.  I’m grateful to know that any beauty or sexiness won’t come from a skin tight costume, but from inside me and who I am.  I showed up to the auditions wanting to do the music for the series.  It’s been my dream to sing on the opening credits for a show.  I was asked to audition as well.  I looked and saw that there was no way (in my mind) that I physically fit Gutka.  So I auditioned to be an extra.  To be honest, I looked around that room and saw other women who I thought were much sexier and more “7of9” than I am.  I never dreamed I would be cast and in this position.  For whatever reason, I managed to project her, and it will be my ongoing job to do this well.

All that said, there will be some necessary weight loss.  But the goal isn’t so much weight loss as being in butt-kicking shape…. and there will be butt kicked… and my foot will be the foot kicking!